There is a girl.

There always is, isn't there?

She's beautiful. You all know that. If she wasn't, I wouldn't be talking about her. It is something I noticed from afar. From way beyond the normal borders of physical limitations. But how could anyone ever hope to describe it all? I know I can't.

But being the idiot I am, I'm still going to try.

I don't know how she does this to me. Simple sentences that stir things from deep within. That stir melting pots of... confusion, joy, exaltation. It is inexplicably scary, and wonderfully elating, at the same time. I never signed up for this, yet here I am. Here I am, being wound up and tinkered with by a girl, whom I've never met.

Of course, I know why it's all like this. I've let it happen, again. I let her slip out of my life, as is her want, and I've let her slip right back in. I'm weak. I can't say no. I can't turn her away. I can't stop her from walking right in and making me feel like I'm 14 again, and wisihng so hard that what I'm feeling is love for the first time.

A breath of fresh air? A rehash of reminscence and useless nostalgia? Is my view of the world so distorted by the sepia-tinted glasses I impose on myself? I do not know. I sincerely, utterly, uncharacteristically, just do not know. But I know that my life would be so much the poorer without her in it.

Beggars cannot be choosers. I cannot stop her from wanting to leave again. It is her right, after all. It is her privilege. And it is a God given privilege for me to even have her in my life. To know her, to have heard from her, to have been able to become  part of her life, even if it's in the smallest capacity imaginable.. I would not have wished for anything less.

Even when the circumstances of an unforgiving world and its depressingly glaring  uncertainties carried her away from me, she still remembered me. She still kept a small place within her memory, her heart, for me. When the walls of my haphazardly-built existence threatened to cave in on me, it was without any doubt that her re-emergence within my soul has re-enlivened me. To make new memories where old ones merely stood and had to be re-imagined to stay fresh within the confines of a past that had already been rewound and re-played so many times over.

How could I ever wish to distance myself from such a person? I have tried, regardless. When it seemed as though she were a tempation that I should stay away from. When it seemed as though she would be nothing more than just trouble, someone to throw me off and cast me further away from where I should be. Is that still the case now? Is that what I really want?

Just what are you to me?

I sincerely do not know. That question will have to remain unanswered for now. Maybe forever. But I do know, that I will do all I can to keep her near. As near as I am brave enough to do so. That I will fight for her. That I will die a slow death each time she says her goodbyes. That I shall be quickly reborn every time she calls my name.

I'm glad you haven't gone.

Don't ever leave.